The Six P’s: What to Do and Not to Do When Dealing with Setbacks and Failure

“Typically you get what you need. Different occasions, you get a lesson in persistence, timing, alignment, empathy, compassion, religion, perseverance, resilience, humility, belief, which means, consciousness, resistance, goal, readability, grief, magnificence, and life. Both approach, you win.” ~Brianna Wiest

“Good as gold,” the cab driver replied as I nervously handed him the $20 invoice and requested, “Okay?” He jumped in his cab and drove off.

I used to be pleasantly stunned by his politeness, as I used to be anticipating him to argue with me for extra cash as a result of we went round in circles looking for the handle that I had given him on the airport. These have been the pre-GPS days, in fact!

This was the beginning of my emotional rollercoaster upon arrival in New Zealand as a brand new migrant.

The primary few days have been crammed with pleasure and happiness. Discovering a brand new nation, assembly pleasant folks, studying new issues—all these experiences made me a wide-eyed migrant seduced by the charms of my new environment.

After a couple of weeks, the rollercoaster took a downward dive as I began getting pissed off with a spate of rejections. All my job purposes introduced forth well mannered rejection letters. The message I used to be getting was that my lack of native expertise made me very unappealing to potential employers. No one was prepared to even interview me.

How was I going to interrupt out of this Catch-22 state of affairs? I couldn’t get native expertise and not using a job, however I couldn’t get a job with out native expertise!

After months of fruitless looking out, the rollercoaster lastly took an upward flip. Pushed to despair by the unwillingness of employers to grant me an interview, I made a decision to enroll in a college to accumulate an area qualification within the hope that it would open a door for me. This out-of-the-box pondering bought me my first job by a contact from the college. Eventually, a sense of pleasure!

I felt that my issues had ended, and now I used to be set for a protracted and profitable profession in my adopted nation. How flawed I used to be! It was time for the emotional rollercoaster to start out its downward journey once more.

Inside a couple of months, my pleasure turned to confusion when my employer’s habits went from being very happy with me to discovering fault with all the pieces I did nearly in a single day. I struggled to know what had modified.

A short time later I spotted that my employer had employed me solely to reap the benefits of a authorities scheme that backed (for a set time period) employers who employed new migrants.

My employer blamed me for issues that had nothing to do with me and attributed different folks’s errors to me. His crafty plan was to make my life so tough that I might give up the job. That approach there wouldn’t be any awkward questions from the federal government division for him to reply about hiring me after which firing me inside a couple of months.

I felt an overarching sense of disappointment and disappointment once I realized that my preliminary ideas of everybody in my new nation being pleasant was simply an phantasm. I discovered the lesson that individuals have been folks, some good and a few not-so-good, it doesn’t matter what a part of the world they have been in. I parted methods with my first employer in reasonably disagreeable circumstances.

The lengthy interval of unemployment that adopted created self-doubts in my thoughts.

“Did I do the best factor by transferring nations?”

“Would I ever achieve discovering respectable employment?”

Emotions of remorse started to run riot in my thoughts.

“Why didn’t I discover out extra about my employment prospects on this nation earlier than deciding to maneuver right here lock, inventory, and barrel?”

“I shouldn’t have taken such a giant danger.”

Each time I heard about somebody that I knew doing properly again dwelling, I felt sorry for myself. I began feeling like I’d made a mistake by transferring to New Zealand. As I had burned bridges earlier than migrating, I felt there was no approach of going again and restarting from the place I had left off.

By the point the rollercoaster took one other upward flip, I had already been within the nation for fairly some time. It took 4 to 5 years for my profession to stabilize and for me to start out feeling glad with my determination of migrating to New Zealand. Whenever you migrate to a brand new nation, it’s not simply the flight that’s long-haul!

The explanation for describing the story of my emotional rollercoaster is to share my experiences and consequent learnings with you. My hope is that in the event you ever end up in an identical state of affairs, you would possibly be capable to alleviate your emotions of hopelessness with the belief that you simply’re not alone and you may get out of any tough state of affairs with the best mindset.

THE SIX Ps

I’d prefer to encapsulate this journey of going from the place you might be to the place you wish to be when it comes to “The Six P’s”—three P’s for what one shouldn’t do, and three P’s for what one ought to do.

Let’s first check out the three P’s to keep away from.

1. Don’t take setbacks or adversities PERSONALLY.

It’s vital to separate your failures out of your identification.

If we take each rejection, setback, and downside personally, our shallowness takes a beating and we will simply go down the rabbit holes of despair and despair.

I used to be rejected over 200 occasions, with out even getting an interview, earlier than I bought my first job. Whereas I might by no means wish to be in that state of affairs once more, or ever want that upon anybody, I notice that I used to be lucky to not permit myself to get dragged deep into the swamp of feeling nugatory. In hindsight, I imagine that this robust part performed a key function in constructing my resilience.

2. Don’t permit a failure to develop into all-PERVASIVE.

A failure or setback in a single space of your life ought to stay contained to that space and never spill over into different areas.

When my emotional rollercoaster was on a downward slope, it felt pure for me to start out linking my failure in touchdown a job to each different side of life within the new nation. Detrimental ideas began doing the rounds in my thoughts.

“I’m a misfit right here.”

“This place just isn’t proper for me.”

“I’m doomed.”

The unlucky consequence of such pervasive pondering is that it turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy until you cease this vicious cycle earlier than it turns into too late. Enrolling in a course was one of the best step I took at the moment because it gave my thoughts one thing else to deal with.

3. Don’t consider any adversity as PERMANENT.

Each disaster within the historical past of the world has ended. Nonetheless tough your problem might sound, there’ll at all times be mild on the finish of the tunnel. You could not be capable to see it from the place you are actually, however take consolation within the historical past of the world and guarantee your self that your disaster may even have an finish.

My problem with discovering a job as a migrant went on for a very long time, however finally, it did finish. If I had adopted a mindset of permanence with ideas like “I’m by no means going to succeed right here,” my efforts would have waned. When our efforts begin to taper off, the specified outcomes begin transferring additional away from us.

Now for the three P’s to undertake!

1. Have PATIENCE.

I’m certain you’ve heard the expression “good issues take time.” Place confidence in that!

Some issues take longer than we wish. That’s simply life. Have the willingness to attend as you retain following the method. Dedicate your self to the method and permit the outcomes to occur.

2. Develop PERSEVERANCE.

Too usually folks quit simply earlier than they’re about to crack the code. The power to proceed our efforts within the face of issue or forge by delay in the best way of their success is what separates the winners from the also-rans.

Life is like an impediment race. Get higher at tackling the obstacles and persevering with your journey towards your aims. Take assist, attain out for assist—do no matter it takes to maintain going.

3. Discover your PURPOSE.

I imagine that this third P underpins the opposite two P’s that you need to do to attain success.

And not using a robust goal, it turns into simple to surrender when the going will get robust. Objective supplies the gasoline for motivation.

Work out why you need what you need. What’s driving you? Go deep, look beneath the floor—generally your actual WHY could be hidden underneath superficial WHYs.

It may be tough to have persistence and perseverance in the event you don’t know the true goal behind your targets.

Life is a journey of ups and downs. Realizing and accepting this truth places us in a significantly better place to deal with adversities. Most of our disappointment in life comes from having unrealistic expectations.

In case you’re able to deal with the ups and downs of this rollercoaster of life, buckle your self in and benefit from the experience!

About Shiv Kumar

Shiv Kumar is a web-based profession and private growth coach primarily based in New Zealand. With a background of thirty-five years at numerous ranges within the company world, his mission is to assist folks like his former self break by mid-career blues and discover satisfaction and achievement of their careers and lives. His teaching is obtainable to folks dwelling in any a part of the world. His web site is www.thinklifecoaching.co.nz.

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