It’s Okay to Feel Scared: How to Stand Up to Fear by Standing Down

“It’s okay to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do one thing actually, actually courageous.” ~Mandy Hale

With regards to airplane journey, I ceaselessly quip: “I’m not a nervous flier, however my bladder is.”

In a means, that is true. Other than temporary freak-out moments when there’s a patch of turbulence or when a flash from my catalog of grotesque “what-if” eventualities forces its means into my thoughts’s eye, I stay blissfully disconnected from my concern. In the meantime, my bladder takes the brunt of it, with hourly pit-stops to the rest room alongside a persistent, boring ache.

Whereas that is bodily annoying, my technique has its utility: it conveniently shifts the blame and disgrace for my irrational concern onto my bladder in order that I don’t need to withstand it. (In any other case often known as somatizing my feelings, should you or my therapist need to get technical.)

So, as you may think, after I lately boarded my first airplane flight in two years amidst a still-very-present Covid pandemic, my bladder felt even twitchier than normal. Particularly on the abrupt jolt of going from socializing at a distance to being packed like sardines right into a confined house with a bunch of respiratory, coughing, presumably infectious people.

At the very least, that’s, till a little bit boy mentioned one thing heart-stopping.

A Cry for Assist

Not more than six years previous, the slender boy with a mop of golden-blonde hair had simply clambered into the window seat of the empty row in entrance of me, trailing his white satin-trimmed fleece pillow and blanket.

Whereas the boy fiddled together with his seat belt, I observed that his mom and grandmother—every equally youngish-looking with lemony hair and tanned pores and skin—have been nonetheless lingering within the aisle, conversing in hushed tones. As I casually eavesdropped, I realized that they have been debating which ones would sit with the boy versus with the remainder of the household positioned a number of rows up.

At first, I cursed my luck to be seated proper behind a child too younger to be vaccinated or hold his masks up. Thanks loads, Universe, I grumbled internally.

However as his mom started strolling away to take a seat together with her youthful youngster (presumably anticipating that her older son was in good palms together with his grandmother), the boy wriggled upward in his seat, shoulders tensed, assessing the state of affairs. Then, he known as out fairly loudly, with no trace of self-consciousness or disgrace: “Mother, I would like you to take a seat right here with me, as a result of I’m scared and I would like you.”

Immediately, the radius of chatter round Row ten fell mute.

Like a silent lightening strike, the boy’s phrases charged the ambiance with an nearly electrical vitality. For 2 lengthy seconds, they hung there within the air above us, nearly too sacred to desecrate with sound. Throughout that point, I swear, you would virtually really feel our collective hearts opening. Then, a honest refrain of “Awww”s and “Bless his coronary heart”s rang out, cushioning the silence.

A Permission Slip

As I marveled at what had simply transpired, I spotted that, in a single easy sentence, this younger boy had accomplished one thing exceptional: he’d given us permission to be human.

In spite of everything, what number of instances had many people felt simply as fearful in life but pretended we didn’t? What number of instances had we wished to cry within the midst of overwhelm (if not wail like hell for our mommies), but advised ourselves to “buck up” or “be an grownup”? And what number of instances had we rushed to the facet of a pal in want but readily denied ourselves this small grace?

Maybe the explanation the little boy’s phrases stirred us so deeply, it struck me, was that he reminded us of what we already knew but stubbornly denied: Of the ability in vulnerability. Of the braveness in asking for assist. Of the significance of honoring our emotions, particularly our concern—assembly it with acceptance, slightly than my most popular technique of rapidly swatting it away like a toxic wasp.

Assembly Worry with Acceptance

Fortuitously, the boy’s mom was rather more adept at coping with concern than me.

Making a beeline again to her son’s facet, she enveloped him in a heat embrace, murmuring, “I’m so sorry, honey. It’s okay, I’m right here for you,” (a relational restore that was highly effective in itself).

Spying by way of the slender slat between our seats, I watched because the boy’s shoulders instantly unknotted. Seconds later, he started chattering to his mom concerning the character on his online game participant—his concern a seemingly distant reminiscence.

It was then that I spotted one thing much more exceptional: to the boy, the previous second was possible simply an bizarre second.

Too younger to be totally conditioned by our cultural rubbish round concern or gender “norms,” he had no concept that he’d accomplished something profound, a lot much less impacted a airplane full of individuals a lot older and “wiser” than him. He was merely acknowledging his concern and caring for himself.

Okay, Lisa, I advised myself. If that little boy can unabashedly proclaim for all to listen to that he’s scared, then the least I can do is acknowledge my very own concern to myself.

Particularly contemplating that, the very day earlier than, a beloved instructor of mine had providentially jogged my memory concerning the energy of acknowledgement. How, oftentimes, simply acknowledging our emotions can significantly ease our unease. And typically, she claimed, it’s the one factor we have to do.

Huh, I spotted with a wink to the Universe. You’re giving me a chance to apply this proper now, aren’t you?

And so, I did. Closing my eyes because the airplane taxied down the runway, I felt into my concern and whispered: Okay, concern. I see you. I hear you. And it’s okay that you just’re right here. In actual fact, it might most likely be irregular not to really feel you on my first post-pandemic airplane experience after two years of semi-hermitude.

From there, I stayed quiet and current in my physique. I didn’t attempt to do something with the concern, aside from “stand down” in order that its stifled vitality might transfer by way of me.

A minute or so later, wouldn’t you realize it, the tight ball of yarn that was my bladder muscle magically slackened. Even my stomach, I famous, not bloated out like I used to be carrying a small fetus. My complete physique felt lighter too, as if I’d launched a leaden weight I didn’t know I used to be carrying. Holy moly! I boggled, gazing down at my physique in each awe and glee.

“Alrighty, people,” the captain’s disembodied voice introduced over the PA system simply then. “We’re about to go out, so sit again, chill out, and benefit from the flight.”

Grinning to myself, I silently replied in my head: You understand what? I believe I’ll.

*A Magical Postscript*

Extremely, the story doesn’t finish there.

Towards the tip of the flight, I tentatively caught the eye of the boy’s grandmother, whose title I’d quickly be taught was Beverly.

“Um, pardon me,” I began, “however I’m a author, and I used to be so impressed by what your grandson mentioned earlier than the flight that I really simply wrote an article about it!”

“Oh, actually?” Beverly replied in shock, my unanticipated admission taking a number of seconds to sink in. Then, her shock gave solution to delight, as her eyes crinkled right into a smile above her masks and he or she added, “Wow, that’s so great!”

“I’m joyful to e-mail it to you should you like,” I continued, “however I actually simply wished to thank your loved ones. For offering such a strong second for me—as I’m positive it was for a lot of others.”

“Nicely, let me let you know one thing,” Beverly responded, leaning towards me with an unanticipated admission of her personal. “That second was an even bigger deal than you realize. You see, my grandson has autism, and for him it was a really huge deal to precise his emotions like that.”

Straightaway, goosebumps traveled up and down my arms. After all, the author in me couldn’t assist however be tickled by the added significance to the story. However the true eye-opener for me was the extent of my very own ignorance. That I assumed the second was necessary to everybody however the boy. That I assumed there was just one “giver” and one “receiver” within the equation. As if the Universe ever labored that means.

When the airplane touched down quickly after, tears sprang to my eyes because the full-circle nature of the expertise hit me.

Thanks, Universe, I humbly mouthed—this time which means it.

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