“If you’re looking for a sign from the universe, and you don’t see one, consider it a sign that what you really need is to look inside yourself.” ~Lori Deschene
I was a novice at what to do. Despre anything. I’d go from friend-to-friend running polls.
Do I sing solo or with a band?
Does this man look like the perfect guy?
Do I choose this or that job?
Do I move to Vancouver or LA?
Do I need bangs?
And on it went. It wasn’t that I wanted validation. The problem was I didn’t know what to do. Even if I knew, it would be quickly forgotten by me. I’d loop:
“Maybe that isn’t the right decision. What if you’re wrong. Maybe it’s better if you do this.”
It didn’t stop, and I couldn’t get it right. It would be so nice if someone could just reach out to a girl. Surely, they’d know what’s best for me.
For a time, I was addicted to psychic readings. From a tarot reader, to an intuitive tea reader, to any other method that held the key to my purpose and life, I was hooked. Numerology, astrology, palm reader, random aliens, or angels—you name it, I doled out cash for it. This was my favourite hobby.
Years back, I went through a breakup, and I had very important questions like, “When is he coming back?”
I did a lot of rounds on the LA Tarot Circuit. I found one reader that I bonded with at the now-closed Bodhi Tree (still grieving the loss…way longer than that ex). Because her readings provided me with the hope and encouragement I needed, I loved her very much. I felt like my ex was tapping into her cards. The first reading was successful. She said, “Looks like you will be seeing him Thank you soon.”
I then saw him at Melrose.
Ding, ding, ding. Her direct line was my only option, but I wanted more. It was amazing how she tuned into my future.
Each time she saw me, I was certain I would receive exactly what I wanted. A hit, a bump—I could relax, knowing all was well with my existence. My future was All All was well. Soon, the love would return and fame was certain. Money would follow. Then I began to go more. While she worked only a handful of hours per week, I was diligent about making sure my name was included on her appointment list.
And then it all happened. It was the wake-up call that I needed but hadn’t prepared for.
I got to the Bodhi Tree before her shift (I knew her schedule, of course), and since they weren’t yet open, I hung out on the sidewalk waiting. She was the first one I had to see.
As I watched her gracefully glide down the sidewalk my heart raced faster. I was greeted by the Tarot Queen who held my destiny in her arms.
Although we were only the two of us on the sidewalk at the moment, she took some time to get to know me. I smiled and waved my enthusiasm as she walked past me.
We locked eyes when her gaze met mine. For a brief moment she held mine gaze. It happened. She reacted by putting her face in a contortionist pose and stepping back. When she first saw me, her face was either shocked or more frightening.
It scared her to even see me.
Not the “OMG, I didn’t see you, and you startled me” kind but an “Oh no, this person is stalking me” look. The panicked look was evident in her eyes. It was clear that she was at one thousand percent in making a judgement call. WayToo far in her readings. She became worried for her safety, maybe even herself.
She had become my drug, and I had come for my fix—she was doling out oracles for a reality that did not currently exist. The future. She played it off that day (oh yes, I got my reading), but it was a sight I couldn’t unsee.
You know when someone you’re paying rejects you that something is off. It’s like those stories about drug dealers cutting their clients off in the hopes they go to rehab. You almost can’t believe it and assume it’s a myth until you get a first-hand account of one of these unicorn scenarios.
Of course, an addiction to the need to know isn’t going to land me a DUI, but it wasn’t leading me to self-confidence and rock-solid intuition. Besides, wake-up calls come in all different “hello, notice me” alerts.
Sometimes, all you need is a huge slap on the face and a set of goddess cards to help you get back on track.
Just to be clear, it was not the final chapter of my psychic trip. It was the end of my time with her because I hate to look bad, but it didn’t stop me from getting advice from wherever I could. But it made an impression.
Just to emphasize the truth, another man was there when I left that guy. And another that I sought advice for “out there,” whether it was with a Love Tarot deck or a friend that I thought somehow knew something I didn’t. Here’s what I didn’t know…
Nobody outside yourself can know your answers.
Things just take the time they need to take, and we need to learn what we’re meant to learn. It’s the healing and completion that matter, not the time required.
Overthinking and obsessive thinking led me to an incredible teacher who helped me discover my inner knowing rather than needing approval from outsiders.
She opposed psychics. After many years of being one, she decided to quit after realizing that psychics can make people stop living when they are told about their future.
If someone hears “Your soulmate is a blond man with an accent,” they then cease giving anyone else the time of day and might miss an amazing dark-haired guy in the process. The blond may actually be on his way, but it could not. Although psychics can sometimes be accurate, they don’t always know everything. Nobody is perfect.
Aren’t we all just swinging in the dark?
Sometimes things can shift. One might see a glimpse of something that a clairvoyant could have predicted. This might help you to change or grow quickly. There is no permanent solution, so we have the ability to change our course in an instant.
My spiritual teacher used the term “corner store drug dealers” when describing psychics. These people provide a quick, easy way to get the most popular and addictive drug, the who, what and where and when and why. This is your sweet future. You only take one shot.
After many busy years in that business, she didn’t want to co-sign it anymore. Because it took people out of their current moment, she decided to walk away. She wanted to encourage people to tap into their own intuition—something she believed only came from life experience in the “now.” She rarely ever told me something I couldn’t feel for myself, and she did her best to guide me toward my true instinct.
It was a gift I couldn’t repay. It was something I couldn’t have received from a reading.
Does this mean I’m psychic-free? No, I’m not, but I get them for entertainment now. Most years, I enjoy a reading at my birthday. I got one in New Orleans (isn’t that rite of passage?), and I’ll never turn down a tarot party. I’ll get one, but I don’t shift my life to Get fitThis prediction.
When used in real life, readings can also be very helpful. Like, “Did I like what she just said? Do I want it to be true”? Move in this direction. RegardlessWhatever the outcome. It’s just a clue to what feels right and good.
However, despite all this “look at how I’ve changed” wisdom, I recently fell prey to my old ways. For my birthday in August, I visited a sought-after channeler. As much as it was tempting to throw her pricey words in the psychic basket along with the rest of the group, I felt the familiar feelings from my past.
It could have been because it was so difficult to book an appointment, her accuracy rate, or simply because I was feeling lost. Regardless of why, when she told me that Nashville was where I’d be by Christmas, I just couldn’t shake her prediction.
Here’s the catch, my husband didn’t want to go, and he wasn’t budging. But, but, but…I Not requiredIt is possible. After many months of Zillow shopping, and spinning my mind of all the intuition that I could find, I finally had a brilliant idea.
You can go back and get another reading. You can say nothing, and she may still be seeing Nashville. Because she was in a state of trance, it is unlikely that she will ever remember. So I leapt at the opportunity to be on her wait list.
This was a relief. But not that I won’t live there one day. I could live in Milan, London or any other part of the globe. Because the decision was my again. Although it had always been so, I was unable to control my destiny. She’s a lovely person too, by the way—this was all on me. You create your own destiny. Our futures are ours. There is no one like us.
Only we can know the answers to our questions. We can also change our minds at any time.
My psychic relapse gave me a gift. Now I know what is right for me. It was just a reminder to me that my decisions are mine alone. Any future readings are a great way to check my intuition. And believe me, I’d be thrilled if something came true, but no prediction ever has…
That ex was Melrose. Apart from that, it was nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Sara ONeil is a casting director for reality television (NBC, Bravo, Playboy, WEtv, MTV, BET, VH1 and more) and some movies (Death Link, Simply swipe, Wolf MountainShe lives in the city, but works as a spiritual junkie, writing passionately about codependency and love. Her book on female empowerment is hers. You can be a woman and co-author of the dating book What the F Will He Write (and How to Tell if He is Worth the Wait). www.saraoneil.com
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Tiny Buddha published the post I Overcame My Psychic Addiction & Stopped Giving my Power Away