It’s also a matter of feathers, because grief is also a thing.
“Grief is a force of energy that cannot be controlled or predicted,” Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in her loss-lensed reflection on life. “In that regard, Grief has a lot in common with Love.” Indeed, it is often said that grief is the price we pay for love, that grief is love’s other side. I’ve discovered, however that grief can also be a side effect of hope. And hope is what is found on the other side. It is also a bird with feathers. These are the twin wings of what may be the most quietly powerful of human passions: longing — grief, the longing for something that once was, is no more, and never again could be; hope, the longing for something that could be but is not, not yet.
These are the thoughts I am having while leafing through an uncommonly tender book full of feeling: Finn’s Feather (public library) by Australian author Rachel Noble, illustrated by Portland-based artist Zooey Abbott — a fine addition to the most soulful and sensitive books to help young humans grieve and make sense of loss.
Inspired by the feather Noble discovered on her doorstep, after her death, Hamish’s son, Finn discovers a beautiful white feather that is perfect and large on his doorstep.
Finn instantly decides that Hamish should receive the feather as a gift.
“Bubbling with excitement,” he runs to his mother with the feather to tell her. But she meets it with “a deep breath” and “a great, big hug.”
Puzzled that she is not more excited about the feather — “it was definitely from Hamish” — Finn takes it to school to show it to his teacher.
But she too meets it with “a deep breath” and “a great, big smile.”
Just as Finn’s confusion about the grownups’ reaction begins collapsing into sadness, his friend Lucas appears at lunch and asks about the beautiful white feather.
“I think my brother Hamish sent it.”
“Really?” Angels can do that?” asked Lucas.
“I think they can,” said Finn.
“It’s a nice feather.”
“It’s amazing!”
I am reminded of William Blake’s first vision as a child — a tree filled with angels that had appeared to him while walking through one of London’s parks. He was slapped for telling his father a lie, and he returned home to tell his parents. Children believe in the world exactly as they see it, even if their belief is wrong. And how all belief is simply how we process our feelings about reality, and how therefore there are no right or wrong beliefs — only true beliefs.
Finn and Lucas consider why Hamish may have sent the feather. They decide it is to help Finn have more fun. (This, after all, is the heaviest hope we carry while hollowed by grief — that life will one day be enjoyable and full again.)
They decide to build “the biggest castle in the whole world and tick the feather on top!” And so they do.
Finn and Lucas relish watching the other kids admire their miniature cathedral, complete with the shimmering spire of the white feather, then go on adventuring — the feather as plaything, the feather as emblem of delight, the feather as instrument of aliveness.
“This feather is the best!” said Lucas. “It’s so great that Hamish left it for you. He’s a really cool angel.”
“He was a really cool brother. I miss him.”
Finn ran his fingers down the spine with his feather-loving friend, Finn.
But then, just like that, the wind snatches the feather from Finn’s hands and whisks it away.
It is chased by the boys in dismay until it is caught in a high crown that Finn can’t reach. So the children gathered around him to pick him up.
Life is like that: It eventually takes everything we love and our lease. To lift us up, all we have is love and the power of empathy.
When Finn returns from school and tells his mother about his fun day with the feather, she still meets it with a deep breath, but this time she smiles as she gives him that “great, big hug.”
Somehow, Finn’s belief in the feather — now no longer white and perfect — seems to have revivified some of her own belief in life, painfully imperfect and love-worn as it may be.
Complement with the German gem of a picture-book Duck, Death, and the Tulip, the French gem of a picture-book The Scar, the Danish gem of a picture-book Cry, Heart, But Never Break — also from my friends at Brooklyn-based independent powerhouse Enchanted Lion, who published Finn’s Feather (and my own children’s book on a not entirely unrelated theme) — then, for a grownup counterpart, savor Kathryn Schulz on losing love, finding love, and living with the fragility of it all, Nick Cave on grief as a portal to aliveness, and Emily Dickinson on love and loss.
Giving = Being Loving
Over the past decade, I spent hundreds of hours, and many thousands of dollars per month, composing. MarginalianIt was known for the infuriating name Brain Pickings its first 15 years. Thanks to the support of readers, it has been free from ads and still exists. I have no staff, no interns, no assistant — a thoroughly one-woman labor of love that is also my life and my livelihood. Donations are a great way to make your life better. It makes a huge difference to support this cause.
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