“Ask for forgiveness, not permission.”
It’s an old adage that can be a tad controversial, but more importantly—neither is going to get you what you want. Plus this saying inherently means that people are going to be upset, and you’re going to have to deal with that. It’s not so easy.
In the game of entrepreneurship and personal growth, it’s vital that you know the key things that will help you grow and the ones that will hinder your growth. Giving your power away to someone else—that’s not going to cut it. You will not be seen as mad because you made the right choice.
Important, subtle but essential
Growing up, we ask our parents, our teachers, and other adult figures in our lives for all kinds of permission—to go to the zoo, to cross the street, even to go to the bathroom. In the United States, we’re not even allowed to regulate our own bodies until we go off to college in most academic settings. But that mentality doesn’t just go away because you turn 18, get a job, or enroll in college.
We seek permission for everything in our day. This is a fact that undermines our authority, values and voice. As such, it is natural that we subconsciously ask for permission when we are deciding on major life events or growing our business.
Our subconscious thinks that we are more likely to get permission if we ask for it. Two things are wrong with this. When you ask permission, you’re not honoring what’s right and true for you. Yes, the interest is nice and it’s really fun to watch the people you love get excited about your idea. However, it is crucial to first validate and confirm your ideas and take responsibility for your unique value.
“Your support network is the solid ground from which you can propel yourself upwards.” – Anna Barnes
How to make it work instead
We ask for help, not permission. All people want support, even if their ideas seem big or difficult. To receive the support you desire, it is important to ask for it in a clear way.
This means stating what are going to do and the decisions that we’ve made with an air of, “If you want to support me in this, I would love that because I want as much support as possible,” mixed with the attitude of, “If you want to support me in this, that’s great. I appreciate your support. But if you don’t, that’s okay, too.”
Two reasons are important to allow people to stop feeling the need for support. First, by practicing acceptance of others’ support you can free yourself from the obligation to accept their criticisms. The second is that you’re making the decision about what you’re going to do long before you ask for support.
Your idea will not be supported by them. Your It is up to you whether it should be done.
Counsel vs. Support
Seeking counsel and seeking support are two different things, and you have to know which one you’re looking for. If you’re seeking counsel, then you haven’t made the decision yet, and you should only be speaking with someone you believe can help you make the right decision for yourself (not make it for you). It’s important to seek out someone who has the perspective and ability to ask you the right questions in order for you to come to the right conclusions for yourself. Once you’ve made your decision, then you’re seeking support.
If you’re seeking support, then you need to be consciously asking for support for the decision that you’ve made. Statements like, “Hey! I’ve made the decision to do something, and I’d love your support on it. If you don’t feel like you can support me on this, that’s okay.” Even better if you can ask them for Specific support. Once you have the other person’s agreement, you’re able to move forward with the conversation.
However, if the other person isn’t willing to support you, let it go. Because you’re not making your decision based on the support of others, you can put boundaries in place for your communication—both protecting you and honoring their choice. Once someone has made it clear that they’re not comfortable supporting you, don’t waste energy trying to convince them. Be grateful for the people you can count on and let them know that you are supported. You will be able to move forward confidently knowing that there is a support network.
The post Don’t Ask for Permission or Forgiveness. This Instead appeared at Addicted 2 Success.
The post Don’t Ask for Permission or Forgiveness. This instead appeared on Addicted 2 Success.